Hotels

I’ve been spending quite a lot of time in business hotels recently. They put things in your room like soap and tea-bags. They never give you anything decent. When you’re in a hotel room you are bored out of your mind – you need a Playstation or some profiteroles or some dancing horses with profiteroles. But instead you get a shower cap so your hair doesn’t get wet when you are trying to slash your wrists in the bath. They sometimes give you two shower caps just in case you grow an extra head out of boredom.

And the sheets are always tucked in so hard you need a pizza-cutter to go to bed. I think the maids do it on purpose, trying to keep you on top of the sheets so they don’t have to do any work the next day.