Before We Die

One of the biggest selling books this Christmas was 1001 Films You Must See Before You Die. It’s a great gift idea, but not for people with a terminal illness – it puts a bit too much pressure on them. And there are many more in the series… 1001 Places You Must Visit… 1001 Albums You Must Hear… 1001 Paintings You Must See… all before you die. Why do they have to be so ambitious? What about a book for the underachievers? 5 Things To Put Off Until Next Year. Though the slackers will be sitting around saying, ‘I can’t be bothered to put off five things – it’s just a bit too many.’

May contain Fish

On my Colgate toothpaste it reads ‘No Colgate toothpaste contains sugar’. I should hope not. Sugar is the worst thing imaginable for your teeth – except for ‘having English parents’. I also hope my toothpaste does not contain poison or asbestos, but the label doesn’t say anything, so who knows what’s in there. Maybe medical companies also need a disclaimer – Our bandages do not contain salt – just to put our minds at ease.
My cereal box also has a disclaimer – This product may contain traces of nuts, eggs, gluten and seafood. I can understand the nuts, but how does a fish end up in a cornflake factory? I know salmon migrate upstream but they must have taken some serious wrong turns to end up at Kelloggs. Still, I suppose a fish head is preferable to some of those dodgy hologram stickers you get inside special packs.