Planes and Nuts

I was on a flight recently and the stewardess came on the tannoy and said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we have a very special passenger on board today. Our special passenger has a peanut allergy, so in the interests of passenger safety can I ask that you refrain from eating any nuts or nut products throughout the duration of this flight.” Like some nut DNA from my snickers bar is going to fly 50m to back of the plane and lodge up someone’s nose.
In the interests of passenger safety? What about in the interests of me and my snickers bar. What about the interests of passengers nibbles? If their nose is that sensitive, they shouldn’t be on the plane – they should be working at customs as a sniffer dog.
I sometimes get a rash when I wear polyester but I didn't make an announcement asking all the boguns to take off their tracksuits.
A fellow comic told me that he won’t fly on planes anymore because he can’t go that long without having a cigarette. That’s a good lifestyle choice, trading in international travel and life-changing experiences in favour of lung cancer. Nice move.