Bad leg

There have been rumours circulating St Kilda as to how I ended up on crutches. I am only aware of these rumours because I started most of them.
I was tired of repeating the same tale over and over again, so I changed my story to match my mood. I told some people that it was a shark attack, some that it was from torture, and others that I was chased out of Queensland for believing Charles Darwin. A kid of about six stopped me in the street to ask me about my gammy left leg, and after being told that a Stegosaurus tried to eat me, he went away happy. Ah, the innocence of youth – he didn’t know that Stegosaurus are plant-eaters.
So I’ll tell you the truth behind my injury: I was rescuing some orphans from a burning building and one of those water-carrying helicopters had accidentally scooped up a shark... You can imagine the rest.
I was rushed to The Alfred where the doctor said ‘You’ve snapped your Achilles tendon, and it may take up to a year before you can rescue any more orphans.’ A year! I thought recovery times were supposed to be much faster here in Australia. I’ve seen Home and Away – Sally almost died in a car accident last year, and she was back playing netball after just two episodes. I want to get a transfer to the hospital in Summer Bay. They have the best doctors in the world there. They have the most dangerous stretch of road in the whole of Australia, but the best doctors too.
With my mobility restricted I’ve been staying at home a lot and keeping myself amused on the Internet. I’ve just got a broadband connection and it’s great. I used to have dial-up which meant I could only use either the phone or the Internet. But now, with broadband, I can access all my spam and junk emails and receive telesales calls at the same time. Technology is amazing nowadays, eh?